One of the myths in our society created I am sure by men to make themselves feel good and blindly accepted by the women is that women are so messed up that’s why dating is סדנת מיניות לנשים so hard and women do not have the same sexual drive as men, that’s why men are getting less of it. How lame.
How do you explain the fact that in other parts of the world women initiate sexual contact, have so much energy and drive that they work their men so hard in the bedroom that the men can never put on a pound of fat? This thing about looking at what happens in your own bedroom or backyard as representative of “the world all over” is so last century. Get out of your caves and holes, guys. What you don’t know is depriving you of what you really want — and lots of it.
So many men in our society spend much time thinking about sex and fantasizing over it, and yet fearing it at the same time. They want to be with women in every sense of the word and many of them do get into relationships but these relationships are not passionately intimate relationships. They are based more on social compatibility (similar values, interests and goals) and less on sexual attraction and passion. This has both positive and negative aspects. Positive because it means there is good companionship and they rarely argue. Why would they fight? They have no fire. They do not make each other’s blood boil. But since there is no flame the relationship is also predictable and so boring — sexually.
The man concludes it’s because the woman has so little sexual drive and so goes out of the relationship to find more “sex” when he can’t inspire the one he is with to want to have more sex — let alone fulfill the one his sexually uninspiring and incompetent drive seeks out. But let me not even go there just yet..
This weekend, at one of my Fearless Sexuality Workshops, I used one of the “I Dare You” questions thrown at young African men (12 -18 years old) being prepared for initiation to adulthood: Will the sexually bold and confident man in this room please stand up?
There were eleven men altogether in my workshop but for close to a minute no one stood up. Finally, one guy stood up rather hesitantly. I asked him why he thought he was “THE MAN”. His reply was “I don’t know. I just stood up”.
I asked the other ten why they did not stand up and their answers summarized are something like: “We don’t know what to say to woman when we meet them or what to do with them sexually, that’s why we registered for your workshop”. This seemed like the most logical and analytical answer, right?
Wrong. A REAL MAN is fearless from the heart and soul. He FEELS something so powerful inside him — like an inner lion — rising up when his manhood is challenged. This something powerful is not based on a false sense of fearlessness (a.k.a. aggressiveness, which is just FEAR turned inside out) or senseless bravery driven by greed (hyena style) rather it’s based on INNER STRENGTH. He may not know exactly how its going to pan out, but he trusts himself to figure it out as he goes along, after all, HE IS THE KING OF THE JUNGLE!
But where are such men ? Where are men who JUST STAND UP because it’s the man thing to do? Where are men who take the initiative, risk and challenge, and own up to their actions without making lame excuses? Where are men who are so in touch with the male energy, and act without FEAR? Where are the real sexually bold and confident men?
Today’s men spend so much time and energy on pick up lines, conversation starters, techniques for approaching women and routines for seducing them that these same things have become their excuses for not taking initiatives, risks and challenges that come with BEING A REAL MAN. Many are too insecure to see what’s happening to them and too lame to even own up to the fact that an important and crucial aspect of being a REAL MAN IS MATCHING TO YOUR OWN BEAT.
The sad truth is, if you don’t seize the rudder, the boat will drift wherever the rudder happens to point. If you don’t cultivate a strong sense of sexual self (bold and confident) and figure out when to listen to your sexual instincts, you will find yourself waiting until your hunger for sex and your inner fire and passion, which has been escalating, leap out like the eruption of a volcano then you jump up grab any woman and expect her to pretend that you are “THE MAN”. And when the woman is emotionally healthy and honest enough to tell you that you are not man enough for her, you quickly bail out with “I really like you. But I’ve decided that I’m just not good enough for you. This is not about you. This is about me”. At least you are being sincere.
Trusting your intuition and sexual instincts clears your inner vision, steers you to the right woman and helps you do THINGS THAT ARE RIGHT FOR YOU AS AN INDIVIDUAL rather than what someone else (who doesn’t even know you or care about you) tells you to do.
Your sexual instincts help you make better decisions in any given moment, come up with more creative ways and ideas for being with a woman and immediately act without wasting time second guessing yourself because your instincts tell you the truth about how you can help yourself in physical, emotional and sexual ways that your conscious mind (pick up line, conversation starter, technique or routine) could never tell you. It’s like having your own personal coach, muse, bodyguard and board of advisers, all rolled into one.
In the beginning, when you are just starting to trust your sexual instincts again, you’ll get it right sometimes and sometimes you’ll be wrong. With practice, though, you’ll naturally gain a better sense of when to listen to your natural sexual guide — already inside of you.